“Is there a Doctor on Board?” – Oh Hell No…

In my lifetime of flying, I have only been asked a few times if I could aid during a medical emergency.You see, this is my fault for listing my Ph.D. on my online Continental profile, and therefore every single boarding pass that is generated for me. The thought behind this is that I would automatically score extra respect and perhaps even a few extra upgrades when people saw “Dr.”  While I am notorious for scoring upgrades, hearing a panicked flight attendant ask “Is there a Doctor on Board?” will make said academic doctor shrink in her seat.  But let me back up here…

My flight from Albuquerque to Houston took off without incident this afternoon.  I had my bottle of water, fruit snacks and my Kindle — I was a happy camper. To boot,  my seatmates were napping (3 seats separated by an aisle)…so I was Queen of Row 14! And then…I heard a thud and people screaming. No, SCREAMING.  I fully expected to turn around and see half of the plane gone.  As the sound of multiple call buttons hit my ears, our flight attendant began running towards the back of the plane.  As she was running, she was taking off her jacket. Oh Snap.  I turned around and saw a very large man wedged between the seats…on the floor of the aisle. He was not moving and people were standing around him.  Two women were crying and people all over the plane were freaking out. Mouths covered, F-R-E-A-K O-U-T.  People were standing up and attempting to walk to the back of our 50 some-odd seat plane.  What the heck? I was peering to the back of the plane from my aisle seat when one of my seatmates woke up and screamed at me “WHAT IS GOING OOOOONNNNNN?  Wow Mister, maybe you should dial it down a notch. When I tried to answer I started laughing.  Like nervous laughing (my Achilles heel) and then…crying.  Like Oprah ugly-crying. And I can’t really explain why.  And did I mention that I stutter when I cry? No, seriously.  Ask any of my family members.  Anyhow, my seatmates were stressed, I was stressed, the plane was stressed…and then it happened.  The flight attendant, clearly panicked, yelled “Is the a Doctor on Board?”  Oh Hell No.  Fortunately, there was a medical doctor on board, as well as a nurse (what are the odds?), and they stepped in to assess the patient.  Once the Grey’s Anatomy team began their work, the panicked flight attendant began yelling at people to “get some water” and “get some juice from the galley.”  And I kept on crying like a baby.  The flight attendant called the pilot from the back of the plane and we immediately began making what were later told, was an emergency landing.  If you haven’t experienced one, it’s basically a VERY quick landing with a fast descent.  As this was happening,  people from the back of the plane began jumping over seats to get away from the crazed scene.  As we landed, not everyone was firmly in their seats. Craziness. To my surprise, we had runway escorts upon landing and there was no taxi business — we went straight to a gate…where we were met by an ambulance.  When the EMTs got on board, the man who was previously in the aisle was upright and talking.  He then WALKED off the plane as everyone else just stared at him. What the?? I mean, I didn’t necessarily need to see him bleeding, but what was all that about? Did he have to go to the bathroom?  Did he fall out of the bathroom? All I know is that I RUINED my makeup and looked like a raccoon when I got off the plane.  If I weren’t so vain I would publish a picture of that. But I am. And, I am happy to be home.

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4 thoughts on ““Is there a Doctor on Board?” – Oh Hell No…

  1. Akat says:

    I am laughing my head off here. I am so sorry! Hahahaha! Good idea, though, about the upgrades. LOL So the dude just walks off the plane? Unbelievable! He could have at least limped or something!

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